Several years ago I was lounging my way through a movie when it occurred to me that I was seeing a superior example of an oft-used plot device. This particular story twist is used as a solution to a very difficult problem, and it works so well that it makes the viewer wonder why somebody didn’t apply this solution in the very beginning.
The story went like this: A young college student with a taste for English literature became infatuated with her professor — who just happened to teach that subject. The handsome professor had a fiancée, but found himself attracted to the student, anyway (she was dropping hints like a little kid at Christmastime). A moment came when the student finally threw herself at the professor, and after an internal struggle, the professor told her he couldn’t do it. He said that he liked her, but he had a fiancée. Besides, she was much too young for him.
Being rejected by her professor was too much to bear for the young student. She decided to prove that their age difference was not a barrier to love, and set out to do it the only way she knew how: by brutally murdering some of her classmates, en route to the professor’s fiancée (it was not quite a “Citizen Kane” caliber film).
[Note: I’m sorry to say I can’t remember the title of this movie, mostly because I was watching it for simple amusement. I stumbled upon it one evening on a standard cable replay, meaning it had been edited for time and content. This tends to place awkward cuts in crucial scenes and use very amusing replacement words for profanity. Formatting a movie for television also does a nice job of breaking any storyline momentum by inserting commercials for Viagra or Denny’s within a few minutes of a fast-paced action/drama/love scene. Most people find this irritating (and it is), but there is definite humor value to be had.]
The movie reached a crucial point when the very disturbed student came to the professor’s home and managed to get his fiancée in a choke hold, then held a big kitchen knife to her throat. The professor tried distracting the student by talking to her, in desperate hope that he could somehow save his fiancée. The dialogue went something like this:
Professor (trying to remain calm): Come on, Angelica. Just put the knife down.
Student (frantic, almost screaming): No, Eric! Can’t you see she’s just in the way of us being together?!
Fiancée: Let me go, you psycho!
Student (screaming in fiancée’s ear): Shut up, you witch! I’m going to flipping kill you! [Note substituted profanity in bold]
Fiancée: Aaaaaaah! Nooooooo!
Professor: Wait, wait! (Visibly calms down.) You are right, Angelica. She is in the way.
Student (clearly taken off balance): Huh? What did you just say?
Professor (very calm): We can be together. Just the two of us.
Student (visibly shaking now from the craziness coursing through her): You’re lying! You told me I was too young for you!
Professor (gently): That was before I really understood how wonderful you are. But there has already been too much bloodshed. Just let her go, and we will be together.
Student (desperate hope gleams in her eyes): Really? Do you promise?
Professor: Yes, I promise. But you have to let her go.
Student (releases fiancée, who scrambles away): Oh, Jonathan! I’ve been waiting so long to hear you say—
BLAM!
(Professor shoots Student with a .357 he had hiding behind his back. Fiancée rushes to his side and they embrace. Movie fades to a commercial for Pepto-Bismol.)
This sort of problem resolution – where the protagonist draws the antagonist off-balance by telling them something they really want to hear – is common in movies and television shows. I have noticed it several times since the first identification, and not always in bad action/thriller movies. Sometimes it’s also used in less-climactic situations, or for comic effect. I have since come to refer this as “Crazy Talk.”
To my knowledge, the Crazy Talk defense has never worked on an actual, living human being. People are manipulated with words and emotions all the time, of course, but Crazy Talk is less a psychological battle and more a lazy way out of a story. It’s not Iago convincing his friend Othello that fair Desdemona was being unfaithful to him, in other words.
It would be easy to dismiss this entire idea as simple fiction, acknowledging that lots of fiction (perhaps even most fiction) is untrue or impossible in the real world. But it is still the human element of the story line that makes us want to read a Fantasy novel or watch Star Wars movies. The story can involve dragons and/or robots (or commandos, or Victorian era detectives, or German thieves disguising themselves as terrorists), but the characters will still act and react in a basic human fashion.
If there was only one movie where a significant problem was solved using Crazy Talk, we could dismiss it as one writer’s unorthodox idea; and the anomaly would not be worth mentioning (the jury is still out on whether it’s worth mentioning in this article). However, it shows up as a plot device on lots of different movies and television shows, and the only real life equivalent would be something like a hostage negotiator – and that is stretching the point.
Short of dismissing the idea of Crazy Talk as a quirk of fiction (and there are plenty of those), I think it is symptomatic of our society’s desire to find instant solutions to significant problems. Everyone knows what it is like to be burdened with difficulties, whether they are personal worries or deep concern over global issues. Each of us has thought how nice it would be if these problems could simply disappear, all at once. That is where the human element to Crazy talk appears, and why we don’t dismiss it when we see it.
I don’t think it’s fair to label the desire for instant, simple solutions as laziness; we all grow aspirations in that same fertile ground. Nobody wishes for hardships, after all, even though they are an unavoidable part of life, and provide growing experiences. Instead, we all seek the path of least resistance.
Winning the lottery is an example of this principle, because everyone wants to find a get-rich-quick scheme (the simple solution impulse). But, if you asked an average group of people why they wanted to win the lottery, I would be surprised if the majority of their reasons had anything to do with accumulating material possessions. People like the lottery because it’s a quick solution to a daunting problem. They want to be rich because that eliminates the problems that come with being poor. Nobody considers the effort and sacrifice it takes to reach financial nirvana, even though that path to wealth is open to all. They are just interested in their problems going away.
The same simple solution impulse contributed to the bizarre circumstances surrounding U.S. Senator Larry Craig. This blog is not intended to be a forum for political conversation, and that is not why I am mentioning this. Suffice it to say, a very public figure committed an embarrassing indiscretion and chose to pursue a path that he believed would make the problem disappear: he pleaded guilty. Of course, the fact that a very public figure pleaded guilty to a potentially embarrassing crime was seized upon and reported widely. I am not passing judgment on whether or not Senator Craig is guilty, and he was bound for problems from the moment the police officer waved his badge under the stall. But when given the choice between facing the inevitable and trying to make the whole thing disappear, he took the latter. And unfortunately for the Senator, it seems to have been the wrong decision.
On a larger scale, two things are weighing on the minds of Americans right now, whether they would like them to or not. First, the United States of America is embroiled in a terrible, irresponsible war, which the world (including American citizens) wants to see ended. In fact, we hope, and pray, and speak out against it, so that it might end. Second, we are also embroiled in a terrible, irresponsible Presidential Campaign; one where every social problem is transformed into a slogan and every cultural contribution exploited to the fullest extent.
Again, my intent is not to discuss these situations from a political point of view or promote any particular political action. No matter where personal ideological lines are drawn, it can be discouraging to watch infighting replace problem solving. Energy that might be spent crafting important proposals and debating their merits is wasted in meaningless finger-pointing. Outrage at the negligence of other politicians (and entire political parties) is both high and can seem manufactured. We are left feeling surprised that anything is ever accomplished in the halls of government.
There is a scenario where both of these problems benefit from an instant solution, and uses the Crazy Talk defense as well. The setup involves the President and the First Lady giving a tour of the White House to a national journalism personality (perhaps Diane Sawyer). The three of them are walking with the camera crew down one of the many grand hallways, when Osama bin Laden jumps out from a doorway and seizes the First Lady, holding a big kitchen knife to her throat. The dialogue would be familiar:
Osama (evil chuckle): Hah! Now at last I have won, you imperialist swine!
President (rips off coat, shirt, and tie, revealing massively muscled and glistening upper body): What kind of beachsand are you trying to pull? Unhand her at once!
Osama: Not a chance! You will transfer all control of the United States to me, or I will kill your wife!
First Lady: Don’t do it, Mr. President! I am not worth it!
Osama (hissing in her ear): Shut up, you uncovered prosthetic! Or your blood will be the first spilled in defense of the new Islamic States of America!
President (calming down): But this country has just accepted Islamic rule. That’s why these cameras are here.
Osama (suddenly off-balance): What? Whose lies are these?
President (gently): It’s true. Congress just passed legislation requiring all Americans to be Muslims. We decided there been enough bloodshed.
Osama (shaking from the craziness): It can’t be! I would have heard about this…
President: It just happened a few minutes ago. Now, you have to let the First Lady go so she can go change into her burqa.
Osama (releasing the First Lady, who scurries away): So long I have hoped for this day! I can now embrace you as a brother-
BLAM!
President: How’s that for diplomacy? Good luck on those 47 virgins, monsterfalcon.
(The First Lady and Diane Sawyer both rush into the President’s arms. The newscast fades to a commercial for the latest Will Farrell movie.)
Now, besides being altogether ridiculous and the product of a bad screenwriter’s imagination (and, possibly, the President’s imagination), this presents a very quick and simple solution. The war ends with the death of Osama, and the grateful American public watches the video replay for the next three months. The President is declared the first King of America and everyone pretends to be happy for a while.
Of course, the real solutions to our problems will only come at the end of a long road. There is never likely to be a decisive moment of victory for any of our most pressing problems. The Civil Rights Movement of the ’60s was four decades ago, and we still haven’t erased racism from this country. Will there ever be a time when it truly is a thing of the past?
The lesson we can all learn from this is to hold ourselves responsible for our actions, and understand that quick, easy solutions don’t apply to complicated situations. In addition to ourselves, we must also hold our public figures responsible for both their actions and their promises. We should expect them to address our significant problems, and not just use them as sound bytes in their next campaign or fund-raising speech. Finally, if we find a candidate who promises what we want and keeps his or her word, then we must put our weight of support behind them. After all, we the people have our part to play in solving the problems, as well.